~15 part 3

moving right along...

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July 20, 1985

Well, Summer vacation's half over already. It's been ok. I guess. Alot of shit falling down though. I've been seeing a psychologist weekly and I enjoy it emensely.

I'm feeling very lonely lately. I lie in bed at night and wish for someone I can roll over on and get some affection. Sometimes I wish Karen were back, but then I get to thinking, she put me through alot of shit along with the good she did, I don't know if I could take that again.

I really can't think of what to do with myself. I want to meet new people, but I don't have the money to get out of the house. I guess one day I'll find somebody, but this waiting is maddening. It's so boring here I can't sleep or eat, only smoke. My lungs are the color of this ink by now. Life's a bitch. Where are all the lonely people? I'd sure like to give one of them some company. That'll be 2 less lonely people in this mad mad world. I feel like crying, but tears don't come anymore, only sadness, like a deep dark pit, knowing it's swallowed you up. I quit this band I was in for a while. You can't be in a band with no instrument and no money. So, I can wait, something's bound to happen soon. Life's so eventless lately (last 2 weeks really) Bad events have been happening for awhile, but not really good ones. I'm so bored, sad, tired, lonely. HELP me! Somebody!!!!

Love is somewhat like a nuclear bomb
It comes without warning,
Hit's you hard enough to blow you away
And when it's gone,
the pain continues long afterwards
Love is life, death, and birth