~Fall into the

I think that what really makes me crazy about not having my earlier writing is that there are too many gaps in my memory. Some things you never forget; surgeries, fire, car accident, injuries, abuse stuff, abandonment stuff, moving, the really big things. Not all of it though. There are gaps... things missing... things I know are back there, but I can't get at them. I guess that I feel that when I got rid of the early diaries, I got rid of all the treasure maps... ate too many of the breadcrumbs.

My sister, years ago, touched on a few things... asked me if I ever thought that blah blah blah happened. It was all I could do not to laugh, as I'd spent the last few years trying and trying and trying to piece things together... trying to remember. So, I said yes, and we talked about some of the reasons why we felt/suspected/knew things happened. When it came down to it though... and I think this is one the biggest differences between me and my sister, she didn't want to remember, even if she could. That's what she said. She didn't want to remember.

Maybe, one day, the pieces of the puzzle will all be there for me. I have a rather large puzzle. Many pieces. I can only hope that at some point I'll find the missing ones under a couch cushion or carpet somewhere. I'd check my sister's house, but she won't let me in.