~Needs

I'm a little behind on things... as usual, I guess. I need a shower. I need to clean up the kitchen. I need to make some salad. I need to get the bills into the mailbox. I need to cut my hair. Many needs.

Harold is doing ok. I gave him two cups of water last night. I'm not sure if that's enough, going by the size of the pot, but I guess I'll be able to tell in time. He looks pretty good, all spread out and keeping an eye out the window at the parking lot and building behind me. I think he wishes I'd get some laundry done though. His room is pretty messy and I'm sure it's not the best air freshener.

Trying not to think too much on being 12 - 13. It's tough not to though. In June of '82 was one of the more messed up experiences of my life. It's a whole long drawn out story, but in brief, my sister and I got caught shoplifting, and the "punishment" was extreme enough to warrant my mother and step father being incarcerated. No such luck though. All that resulted was about a year of shock and, I'm sure, one "personality" or another being "born".

I look back and read things that hint to my teachers being able to tell that something was different. Wish they would have done something, although I don't know that it was possible to do anything at that time. Was anything different? uhhhhhh... yes? My brother had just been born in September, giving my step father a real son, demoting me to the freak of the house. My "father" had come back into the picture after having been gone for about 5 years or so, and he wasn't as horrible as my mother had been making him out to be. I was still reacting to 12 or 13 years of various traumas, and was in a lot of physical and emotional pain due to my body "changing" in all the wrong ways. The real kicker though? What really put me into that state of shock? My step father discovered that the buckle end of a weight lifting belt was ok to use to teach kids a lesson, and my mother had, among other violent and humiliating punishments, given me a concussion with a wooden clog.

I learned something from being young in that house though. I learned that in order to get the caulk clean in the bathroom, you use a toothbrush.