~never never

I'm having a beer... trying to write... trying to keep myself from spiraling down.

There's a lot that I need to do that I can't manage to do... everything from cutting my hair to getting to the doctor. Since I've been out here (trapped) in the burbs, my friend has taken me to the doctor when I've needed to go. On average, once or twice a year. Seems she has decided that it's not something she wants to do anymore. That leaves it to me to get there... although she did say that if I time it right, she might be able to take me to the train. The pisser is that I'm not even ill. I don't need to see the doctor, I just have to get some pointless yearly blood work and make sure that he's aware that my head is still cracked. Always on trial.

I feel frustrated, depressed, angry... sick. Life is difficult. Fuck, life is beyond difficult. Even when something good happens I can barely enjoy it before things around me start poking at me... reminding me how fucked up my reality is... and may always be.

I want to run off into never never land.

I guess there's a reason they call it that. It just ain't gonna happen.