~Faster

I don't think that I like this new medication too much. I can't describe exactly how it makes me feel... but I don't feel right. I feel drugged. It's not doing anything for pain, that's for sure. In fact, I've been getting a few new ones... right ear, right hand, funky headache. Sleep, not that I can really notice, but I have felt horrible both mornings after taking it. I promised myself that I'd give it, at least, a week. If there's nothing positive going on as a result of it, then I'll stop.

I told Neurodude that if this Seroquel doesn't work, I'll try the Neurontin again, but in all honesty, I don't know that I will. I hate pills. My stomach is already upset from taking Inderal every day. Pills and I just don't get along. The Seroquel seems to be messing with my stomach, but I'm not sure it's the Seroquel, so I can't blame it yet. I've always had a bad stomach... ever since I was born, actually... and what I've done to it over the years hasn't helped. Pain killers, drinking, stress, and various medications just don't make for a healthy stomach lining. Shoot, I puked most of my stomach lining away by '99.

Cutter USED to drink lots of dark beer... then Cutter realized that what was in the bowl was not "tomato skins". I'm back to drinking crappy beer now (Natural Ice), because of price, but I don't drink near as much as I used to. Actually, I haven't had any beer in the last 2 days. Just a cup of wine last night, and a shot of Vodka with Tomato juice (yes, ACTUAL tomato juice) tonight.

My average with beer, these days, is about 3 a day. That's a lot less than 12 to 15. Money and stomach problems aren't the only reason though... it's also the fact that I only have one pair of pants that fit comfortably. Yes, they currently STINK. There's a joke that guys only have one pair of jeans, and just rotate t-shirts. I currently fall into that stereotype. Who the hell can afford jeans? Fuck that! Do you know how many beers that is? (Sorry, couldn't resist.) Seriously though, the ones I'm wearing right now are the only ones that fit ok. I don't get to do laundry too much either. Two washers, two dryers, 36 apartments, and a disease that makes me completely fatigued. I'm glad that I have a lot of t-shirts.

I just had to go back through this entry and form paragraphs. The original was one BIG paragraph... and I know how that can be tough to read. Just know that the above was one continuous train of thought. If I were speaking to you, I wouldn't have taken a breath, and I wouldn't have let you get a word in edgewise.

I don't know if that's a good sign, or a bad one. Does that mean that my brain is working well, or that my thoughts are racing?

It's after 8. Maybe last night's Seroquel is wearing off. I don't like that thought. What that means is that I'm starting to NEED the Seroquel... that if I don't take it, my brain will go faster and faster and faster, and I'll take the drug just to stop it. That's what happens. The body gets addicted. That's why I hate Psych meds.

I'll shut up now. The way I feel, this rant will go on for... hours? pages? inches? feet? How do you say that in "blog speak"?

Somebody call the Vet. The crow's on crack!