~I want to just say no

Ok, this is the problem...

I have problems with my memory from the MS. I have High Blood Pressure and I have debilitating migraines, but I don't know if that's from the MS or not. I take Inderal. Inderal causes memory loss. Without the Inderal, I'll get the migraines, still have some memory problems, and my Blood Pressure will spike. With the Inderal, I'll not get some of the more intense migraines, be ok with the Blood Pressure, and have even more memory loss troubles. After I thought about it for a while tonight, I realized that even before the Inderal, I was having pretty severe memory problems... so the Inderal might have nothing to do with it. I should probably just stay on it, if it's helping with the Blood Pressure and some of the migraines. I still get migraines, but while on the Inderal, I don't get the HOLY HELL ones for more than a day or so. Without it, they can go on for a week.

The Seroquel sucks ass. Like other anti-psychotic meds, with me, when it wears off, I get ANGRY. Before it wears off I'm all but bedridden.

I feel like shit. I feel worse now than I did before I started the Seroquel. I want to stop taking the Seroquel. If I do though, then I have to deal with Neurodude accusing me of not cooperating... and he'll want to try the Neurontin, for pain, again.

I'm just sick of all of the drug crap. If pot were legal...


Do I take the Seroquel again tonight? Just so I can tell Neurodude that I tried long enough? Do I just lie?

I'm tired of hurting! I'm tired of being tired! I'm fucking sick and tired of getting angry for no fucking reason!!!!

My stomach hurts. I think that I have to go back to light beer. All I'm managing tonight is a cup of wine (Sangria). I'm trying to calm down... catch my breath... put things into perspective.

I hate feeling stupid.