~I forget

There's really only so much a person can do to occupy oneself, sitting alone in an apartment, day after day, sick. Too, there's only so much a person can write about, when plagued by apathy and memory problems.

I could comment on things I read, or things I watch on tv, but along with really not caring, these days, I often forget what it is that I read or watched. I like crime dramas... CSI, SVU, NYPD Blue, etc., etc. Problem is, these days, I get lost. By the time the episode is half over, I lose track of what's going on. This makes me very sad. The same thing happens with listening to a person talk, or reading something longer than a few sentences. I'll attempt to do something, then forget what it was that I was going to do. Short term memory. I'd tell you all about what part of the brain handles that, but you see, my long term memory prowess, and a lot of my stored information, already went bye-bye.

Forgetting. I forget things. I forget what I'm talking about. I forget what I'm thinking about. I forget what I'm reading, watching, doing, writing... My legs forget to hold me up... My hands forget to grip... I forget to breathe. Forgetting. What is "forgetting"? It's not a misfire, it's a no-fire.

I'll ask that no one attempt to relate with me on this. Unless you have MS, or some other brain devouring disease, don't go there. Generally speaking, when people say "I know exactly what you mean.", I want to smack the shit out of them. Generally speaking, don't compare your life to mine. You're not me. It doesn't make me feel any better to hear about your shit. I have no idea why people think that it makes a suffering person feel better to hear "I know what you mean". No you fucking don't! ...and I don't need you to either. I don't need anyone to understand, I just need people to care. If you do care, that's much appreciated. Thank you. Now kindly stop telling me what fucking life experience you have that enables you to do so. All that does is completely invalidate me. I say "Ouch". You say, "I know exactly what you mean! I had this one paper cut once, it hurt SO bad." First, no you don't. Second, what the fuck do you want me to say in response to that? Poor you! That paper cut must have hurt SO bad! Screw me and MY problems... let's talk about your paper cut!

I'm ranting. I tend to do that. See, I forget what I'm talking about... what I'm writing about... the point I was originally trying to express.

I think that I was attempting to write about my short term memory loss problems, and about being bored out of my fucking mind, but whatever it was that I was going to say fell into one of my lesions.

Ouch.