~In Dreams

My mother was in my dream last night. I don't remember the exact details of the dream... something about my sister having another baby... his name was something like "Rushdor".

Sometimes, despite everything, I miss my mother. The trouble is that the mother I miss never really existed. It's this idealized version of her... not the real her. Maybe that's part of the problem... she wants to see me the way she wants me to be... that's the me she likes. Neither one of us can deal with the reality of the other.