~Whatever it is

I'm hoping to have a calmer day, today.

The last few days have been pretty rageful, to say the least. Some of it is MS related, and some of it is medication related. Certain drugs just fuck with what little brain I have left, as I'm coming down off of them. I try to avoid those drugs, but sometimes, when things get really bad, I have to choose... either take the drug, or...


"Make it stop!" I've said that for 23 years, or so. I remember being in 9th grade... the High School I was in was doing a musical. I was overworking myself... the music part, the Stage Crew part, and finals... It was May of '84. The night the Musical opened, I "snapped" somehow. I was just suddenly hit over the head with RAGE, FATIGUE, and "Make it stop!". I spent the evening on the couch in the Stage Crew office, rather than in the Orchestra pit, doing my job.

The result was my being labeled a "drug addict". The only drugs I'd taken that day were allergy pills, and No Doz. In fact, at that point in my life, I'd never done drugs, not even Pot. That didn't matter though. In High School, once you're labeled, you're labeled.

It didn't "stop". In fact, it kept coming. My Novemberitis hit, that year, pretty damn hard. That's when I left home. I just wanted it to STOP.

It never did.