~Pee You

Ok... time to write.

Wanted to surf around for a while first... try to catch up on reading other people's blogs... cyber-pop-in and wave, so to speak. Went to a friend's blogger blog, dusted off my old password. I'm glad that I save things like that.

I feel bad. I wish that I had more clarity. It seems that my brain has a timer on it. After a few minutes, no matter how long I stare, words just look like little boogers on the screen. I like reading other people's blogs, and I like commenting, when I have something to say. It sucks that my brain has other ideas.

Woke up at midnight, then again after an hour. Skunk. 'Nuff said. Damn critter. That BURNED! That'll learn me to want fresh air in my apartment. I could swear I still smell it. Probably had a fight with one of the local cats. There are quite a few around here. Poor kitty.

What am I writing about? ummmmm....

Right...

I was thinking about this whole dying thing.

If I look back a couple of months, there I am. I'm still here. I didn't die yet.

The whole thing is just so frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I'll be around for a while. Then, after a few hours, I feel like I won't make it through the night. It's this daily tease... and it completely sucks.

A lot of people say "Well, we're all dying." Well... DUH. No shit, Einstein. Look, it's like being in a car. It's possible that you'll get into an accident, if you're driving. We're all driving. Yay. My car doesn't have any fucking brakes!!!!!! That's about what it amounts to. Yes, maybe I'll get lucky. Maybe I can manage to swerve around at 90 miles an hour, for a while. Then, maybe I can't. Maybe, no matter how hard I try, I'm going to slam, head first, into the next building that happens to get in the way. Maybe maybe maybe. It's all a bunch of maybes.

I'll sit there, watching TV, saying to myself, "I'm ok. Things are fine. I'll just stay in bed and watch TV, and smoke my smokes. Everything will be alright." Then, I have to stumble to the bathroom, so that I can grit my teeth while a tablespoon of piss drips out into the bowl... and stumble back to bed, so that my head can stop spinning and the hallucinations can die down for a while. Fun stuff.

Do you know the difference between a hallucination and a ghost?

Me either.