Nov. 21, 2005

It's just so much easier to type. Hopefully I'll get a printer soon. When I do, I think that I'll gut the spiral, and just keep going with the folders.

I'm cooking a turkey... A2's coming over in a while. It will be nice to have company for the meal. I decided not to go over there for actual Thanksgiving. I just don't think that it'd be a good idea. I'm too sick. It's too crazy there.

I remember last Thanksgiving... being in Montana... the hell of it all. The only thing nice about it was the actual State. I liked the air, and the deer (but not the deer poop), and the mountains... it's a beautiful place.

I'm worried that I'm not going to enjoy this meal which I'm making. I'm VERY tired... and my nose is off, so I can't tell if anything is any good. MS sucks.

So fucking tired...

I hate this new medication, Seroquel. I go back and forth between motor-mouth and complete jello.

Montana... KR... the illusion... the delusion. Sometimes I drift back to it... want to call her... recapture that delusion. I know that it is... was a delusion... but I still want it. I want it the way it should have been... not the way that it actually was. Sort of like mom... Sometimes I miss her, but I know that it's not her... it's some sort of delusional idealized character I created.

I'm so tired....

I want my mommy.