The reasons why I started calling myself a Vampire (going back to 1983)
Blood lust - since drinking tons of my own as a child (about 6 or 7 or so)... (Vampire = blood drinker)
Reincarnation - had vivid past life memories from a very young age (at least 14) (Vampire = live forever)
anti church - I was violently against the church. Clergy sent me into a "rage". (Vampire = church = AAAAAAH!!!!)
solitary - I was always a bit of a loner (Vampires do not travel in groups, they're loners, PERIOD.)
ESP - (Vampires can psychically control others... hypnotize, seduce, etc.)
shifting (Vampires can turn into bats, wolves, other creatures)
effects of B12 deficiency - (Vampires are pale and have sunken eyes and receding gums... and not a lot of energy unless well fed... and CRAVE BLOOD)
slept in closets, under beds, anywhere safe and small (Vampires sleep in coffins)
youthful in appearance (Vampires don't age)
nocturnal - (Vampires = light = AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!)
dreamwalker - (same vein as ESP above)
Ability to blend although very different, and also very quiet in motion - (Vampires can turn into smoke... vanish... not cast shadow or reflection)
morbidity - (Vampires = death, undead, dark, etc.)
different than others - (Vampires most certainly are)
teeth - mine are very thin and sharp, and I have a strong jaw (fangs. duh.)
but... onward about it...
I can't remember the last time I ingested human blood, other than my own. My attempting to stop the practice came along with feeling/becoming more and more violent. It was, once, a simple craving for blood. To some degree, it still is. In fact, as I write this, my mouth is watering at the thought. I just felt that I needed to watch my step.
I started calling myself a Vampire when I was about 14. I took blood from those willing to give it. I drank my own constantly. Along with that, I was realizing other (Vampire-like) ways in which I differed from others. The term "Vampire" just made sense.
Today, even more so than with the term "Were", I feel that the label no longer applies. Although I've managed to find a few "Were-like-me"s, I've yet to find even one "Vampire-like-me".
I've come to think that it's possible that my blood cravings are attached to the whole "Were" thing... it's a food thing, not a sex thing or an energy thing. Every last person I've met or spoken with who calls themself a Vampire gets things from blood and "feeding" from other humans that I simply do not get. Too, every other "Were-like-me" I've met has had the same "I want to eat/attack people" thing going on, as opposed to the nibble at the neck thing.
There is a "recharge" that happens after drinking human blood, but I can get that type of recharge from other foods too (although to a lesser degree). I don't need to drink blood for Psi-energy. It doesn't turn me on. It's not a ritual. It's just food... a "favorite food", so to speak... a food that carries a pretty potent recharge effect and satisfies something in me that little else can. It's like the difference between eating a PowerBar and a plate of Turkey. It's a food charge, not some sort of magickal, dramatic, erotic, mysterious, spooky ritual.
Does alive or dead matter with "feeding"? With "dead" things, like most meat you can buy, the charge is lesser than when feeding from (live) things, like human blood, but it's still a charge/recharge. I can't get it from lettuce though, only meat. Live human meat? Well... I have meds to take when that craving threatens to get the best of me.
The biggest problem has been that people revolt me. Syringe donors have always been my preference. I have no desire to smell the stench of most people. It's actually nauseating most of the time. Most humans smell worse to me than dogs do to most people.
The whole thing is tough to put into words. It is about hunger though. I used to call myself a "WereVamp", that fit a little better. I guess, at this point, I'm getting tired of all the labels. I'm just Jon who really likes drinking human blood, and often craves it to the point of it feeling like a "need".
The web has made me think a lot about labels... and has caused a lot of them once attached to me to slide off. I'm ok with that. In life, I've been a lone wolf, for the most part. I keep my distance. I stalk (in the legal way). I hunt (in the legal way). I generally get what I need... and want. Sometimes, it just takes a while, that's all.
3/04
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