~The killer in me is the killer in you

10:47 PM - 3/18/06

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1993

      Need to write about this dream. Another one of those that stays with you all day. Why such an intense impression? Wolf dreams are like that. I always remember. The fear, the freedom, the hunger. Makes me not want to wake up because of the happiness. Gone is the tiredness and stress of the human form. Yes, there's still fear, but it's different, somehow more tolerable. Last night's dream wasn't total regression, only partial. I still had my body, but I was the wolf. Some around me thought me insane, some were scared. I trusted only one. Where that trust stems from, I don't know. That's a part of my human existence I don't understand. I suppose that trust extends into reality with her. But even people I know I can trust in life I didn't last night in the dream. It was a solid fear of humanity. Perhaps only animals can understand that type of fear. It was so totally ingrained in my spirit that it felt natural. It all felt natural. That's what was so confusing and painful. Why did all these people fear me if I was only being myself? Running. Was it a mall? Was it a house? It was somebody's father's house that was as big as a shopping mall. I kept running for the freezer. Meat meat meat. That's all I wanted. I felt ok around her. I didn't run from her when she was near, but even then I was wary, not quite scared, but cautious. Maybe I do need to be locked away somewhere. Maybe then I can be free.


            Understanding a howl
            Every fiber of being
            Contained in one sound
            Sound of pain
                      of freedom
                      of hunger
                      of life