~Veil of Rot

9:35 PM - 3/12/06

---

1987

4:35AM 3/26/87
     This may be my last night home for a while. I'm drunk. I'm sad again. I'm lonely. I should just go to sleep, I have to get up early (10:00) to see my doctor. It feels like the end. It's scary, real scary. I don't like the way it feels at all. I'd better just go to sleep.
11:00AM
     About 45 minutes til I have to see my doctor. There's nothing to do but lay around, everything's packed. I'm listening to the Sex Pistols, enjoying the music, the violence of it, the harshness. I feel like thrashing.
11:52
     I'm on the 58, keeping calm as some ugly fat pregnant bitch stares at me. Life is so disgusting sometimes it makes me feel lucky, at least I'm not that ugly.
     My knife is packed, all of my knives are packed. I don't usually travel without a good quick knife. Anyway, I brought a good chain. So, if my doc tries anything stupid I'll whack him upside the head and split. Sounds sick right, who cares, I'm a sick person. What a life. I hate old people. Such assholes, rude assholes. I hope I aint this bad when I get older, if I am I hope someone will shoot me. At least I'll speak English. Disgusting -
12:17
     I'm now on the el. It's fucking cold in here. This is March isn't it? I thought it was supposed to be warm. Fucking crazy weather. The sun's out, but the only thing it's doing is blinding me. I'm ragging on everyting today aren't I? I guess I'm just in a bad mood. I didn't get enough sleep. I got up at 10 but only fell asleep at 6.
     Did I mention that I cut my hair? Well, if not, I did. It's crewed again. It feels great to have a decent do for a change. I also dyed it white/blonde. I guess I look like a Nazi. Who cares, this is America isn't it. I can look any way I please. My dad says I look like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland when I smile. Cool enough. A Nazi Cheshire cat. I think that I look like me personally.
     This is bothersome. All the damn bumps, so I'll write later, it's ridiculous to keep this up.