March 4, 2006

1:18 AM - 3/4/06
~Fully Dosed

Wish I were sleeping. Can't sleep though. Stupid drug is busy beating me up.

Things went ok today. It's all done, aside from the letting it wear off part. Don't know how long that's going to take. Usually, it just seems like by the time it's probably worn off, my usual MS symptoms have gotten worse. One long road of "this sucks.", I suppose.

I have an appointment with Neurodude in about a month. I'll be interested to see what he'll have to say. If he can't prove to me that this crap is doing me any good, then he can't really justify asking me to do it again.

I suppose that the only way to prove it is to do yet another MRI. I guess that it's up to him. I'll know whether or not it did me any good without the MRI, but I can't expect him to take my word for it.

I need sleep.

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12:45 PM - 3/4/06
~turn turn turn

I don't want to jinx myself or anything, but in truth, I've had worse days. I'm still feeling some of the negative effects of the chemical soup, but I'm actually not minding the little bit of energy I have. I got a few hours of sleep, and that seemed to help a little. Now I can use the steroid rush to wash my jeans.

A lot of this MS stuff is stuff I've been living with for so long, I just deal with it. I bitch about it more now, online anyway, but that's just because I know the source of it. It just works better than "life sucks and I don't know why!" does for me. The best expressive writing is full of temper tantrums, but if the temper tantrums don't vary, it gets old quick.

I think that the seasons are going to change soon. There's just that feel in the air... the cold will break soon... Spring will come... life will change. There's a feeling of excitement... of promise... of adventure...

I can't decide whether to smile or start digging a really, really deep hole to hide in.

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6:21 PM - 3/4/06
~jinxed

Glad I made the most of the morning. Now, it's back to HELL. Son of a fucking BITCH this HURTS!