~Take this cheese and...

10:17 AM - 3/8/06

I suppose that there's a lot to write about. There's a lot in my head, anyway.

Didn't sleep all that much. Just a few hours. Got out of bed around 3 or 4, or something like that. Spent some time reading over my archives. Never really finished cleaning them up since the ~blog change-over. Just now, took out the trash, and ran into my next door neighbor. Apparently she's not "Lucy". I'm thinking that maybe "Murmur" was actually "Lucy", and she was changing her address from next door, before she and Coughy moved a few doors down. From what I gather, "June" (that's her name) used to live with (I don't know his name) her Henry, and Henry was in a wheelchair. I assume that Henry is no longer with us. June moved next door to me because Murmur was in a chair, and needed June's place, which is more conducive to that.

The first thing she asked me was whether or not her tv bothered me. I chuckled and told her that I worry about whether or not mine is bothering her. From what she says, she doesn't even know I'm here... doesn't hear a thing from my apartment. That made me happy, not just because I'm glad that I don't make too much noise, but that if she doesn't even know that I'm here, then my smoking must not bother her either. This makes me feel a lot better about things here.

In other news, I read something about Solu-Medrol, yesterday, which got me pretty riled up. M___B____ sent me a link, and I'll just say this... sometimes, it sucks to be right. Apparently, there's now evidence that there is "irreversible neurological worsening following high-dose corticosteroids in advanced progressive multiple sclerosis."

Who knew?

So, after ranting and pacing a bit, I just settled in with "NEVER AGAIN", and "Always trust your gut".

If I keep trusting the doctors, even a little, they'll either fry me or kill me. I don't think that there's a law that says I have to let, or help them do that. The way I see it, if I want to die, and need the help of a doctor, I'll ask for just that. Right now, I'm not wanting to die, and I'm not wanting to suffer any more than I already do.... so, the Docturds need to back off with pushing the crap that will cause it. "It might" or "It seems to" is just NOT good enough for me. I want "It will" and then I want whatever it is to actually work. I want whatever it is to make what life I have left better. If it won't do that, and I mean immediately, then they can choke on it.

I may be a Rat Bastard, but I'm not a fucking Lab Rat.

(deep breath)

rant over